He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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