I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
