In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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