All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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