Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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