So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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