We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
