Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
