Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Of course I have a pirate flag
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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