I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
