in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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