Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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