you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
