I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
