He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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