You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
