god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
