do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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