so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
