the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
