I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
