my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I AM VODKA MAN
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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