Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him