Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"