The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
