There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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