That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
