who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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