well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
