...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
