He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
