oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
