so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im holly from the hills drunk
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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