I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
