Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
