I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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