I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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