I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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