Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
