That's when you crack a 10am beer
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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