Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
