Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
