yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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