The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found the puke drawer
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
