she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
