"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
