maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
