I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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