A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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