I think i peed on brittanys purse
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
