smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
