okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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