omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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