I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Your dad touched me again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
