i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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