I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You have to summon your inner elephant
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
