fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
