I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
