so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
