He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
