Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
