Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
