We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
