I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
