Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
