I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
