Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
