My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
