I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
