what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Found the puke drawer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
