sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
