I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
